Patholigically independent. Stubbornly insisting on finding my own way. Will power got me through every life struggle....until my first baby was born.
I read voraciously about pregnancy and birth. But NOTHING about Postpartum. I had cared for babies most of my life. How different could it be? I projected my normal, healthy, pre-pregnant self into every future scenario. I had no idea how I would feel while recovering from childbirth, breastfeeding, and caring for my precious newborn....so suddenly finding myself there was a deep shock. I was brought to my knees. No matter what I did, I was unable to get it together. I was so emotionally raw and physically tired, I didn't trust myself to say what I truly and desperately needed: HELP! What few resources I had were so focused on the baby, it seemed overwhelming to try to explain why I needed to eat, drink or help with laundry. My daughter was 18 months old when I read about a "Postpartum Doula." This was EVERYTHING I wished I could have had--someone to gently guide me through the dark night of my soul.... to help me realize that it is impossible to care for your baby if you are not meeting your most basic needs....someone to remind me that, as overwhelming as it is in the moment, it wouldn't always feel like this. So I became the change I most wanted to see. Truly understanding Postpartum as a separate and distinct life transition, I felt relief. I was not flawed. I was completely unprepared. I didn't realize the impact of not having any support. (Here's a list of lcoal support groups.) Ultimately, I'm truly grateful for my experience. I learned the hard way, but those pains brought me to one of the greatest joys in my life--being able to help families with new babies.
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Childbirth Classes can be the start of an empowered journey into parenthood. While some hospital classes might be sufficient, they rarely compare with independent classes.....Taught by people who don't benefit from you being easy to manage.
You and your partner deserve to know what to expect and what your choices are. This is an opportunity to learn and discuss what your proiorties are. There will be time during your labor when you can't speak for yourself, so your partner needs to be clear on your choices regarding pain relief, cord clamping, skin to skin contact, etc. Monmouth County residents are fortunate to have many amazing Childbirth Class Resources. Bend and Blossom offers Hypnobirthing Classes in Rumson. Birth, Babies and Beyond offers classes in Tinton Falls. Natural Beginnings NJ offers classes in Spring Lake. Your Best Birth offers classes in Red Bank. Mother to Mother offers private classes. If for any reason you can't take a childbirth class, there are alternatives. Read Gentle Birth Choices by Barabara Harper, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, and watch The Business of Being Born. Once you've prepared yourself for the hours of labor, take some time to prepare yourself for the days and weeks of the fourth trimester! Of course you want to keep your baby clean! But, many mainstream baby skin care products can actually make their skin dry, rough, cause rashes....Or worse.
Everything you put on your baby's skin is absorbed into their body. Some very popular products contain BPA, parabens and other chemicals we wouldn't choose to expose our children to. Fortunately, the Environmental Working Group (a non-profit consumer advocacy organization) has made finding safe products completely effortless! Use their Skin Deep Database to instantly get a safety rating and list of hazardous chemicals. Their free app allows you to scan bar codes with your phone. *Stick to the basics--the fewer the ingredients, the better! *Also, double check your detergent....Like me, you might be shocked by Dreft's rating!! Fabric softener is unnecessary--skip it. *Newborn skin is delicate--limit bathing to twice a week (or less). *Extra Virgin Olive Oil is an great moisturizer and works wonders on cradle cap, too! (Apply generously to flaky parts of scalp. Allow to saturate for 10-20 mins. Then, brush gently with baby brush to remove debris or bathe them to remove.) How'd you like two free hands and a calmer, quieter baby? Wearing your baby in a sling or carrier makes life simpler. Here are the 3 most basic types of carriers and a few things to keep in mind:
*It takes practice to get the hang of it. *You'll probably want to try more than 1 type of carrier. *If possible, learn in-person. If you don't have any friends who wear their babies, try a moms' or breastfeeding group. If not, youTube will suffice. 1: Sling. This is the simplest design & easiest to put on. Literally, put the sling over one shoulder and put the baby in it. Great for babies 1-12 months & 6-12 pounds. (Intuitive/Right-brained types find this easier.) 2: K'Tan. This is a hybrid between a sling and a wrap. It does require a few more steps to put on, but it offers more even weight distribution, better support for preemies, and you can wear twins. (up to 10 lbs. each) Great for preemies through 18 months. 3: Structured Carrier. I love Boba & Ergo. Both allow you to wear your baby on the front, back, or hip and breastfeed. It takes about as many steps as a K'Tan, but some prefer the clips to all fabric....And honestly, for babies upwards of 15 pounds, it's much more comfortable. Ideal age 2 months (for Boba) through 3 years! (or 35 pounds.) (Linear/Left-brained types tend to prefer this style.) There are so many babywearing options available. I reserve wraps for special requests--I love them for twins or heavy young babies that you'll wear for close to an a hour. Jersey Shore Dar a Luz has all of these options available to try out at monthly meetings (for free). Members can borrow carriers for 2 months to really try it out and get a feel before buying. **UPDATE** I went to a Shore Babywearers meeting, and this is simply the bests resource on the subject. Here's a link to their FB group: Shore Babywearers These mamas could not be kinder or more helpful! They have a larger and more current library of carriers to borrow, too! Have questions or a comment? Please leave it below or email me directly. Love to hear from you. (Disclaimer: The contents of this blogpost are based on my experience of 12+ years wearing babies. I do not represent or sell any baby carriers--just advocate for making life with baby easier!) If your baby is fussing, here are my go-to calming strategies.
1) Motion. Hold your baby (most prefer upright, against your shoulder with their tummy on your upper chest) and walk around. If this doesn't cut it, pat their back gently, too. 2) Sound. White noise can help a baby settle. There are apps, but most also love a good stove exhaust fan. Music is another alternative. 3) Water. Depending on your baby's age and level of upset, try standing in front of a running faucet/shower, or put their feet in warm water. Most newborns enjoy having running water on their scalp, too. (added bonus: doesn't require full outfit change--just wrap a towel around their body and tilt the back of their head under warm running water.) For bouts of gas, serious need to reset, a bath may be in order. 4) Wear your baby. If your baby is 0-3 months old, try a sling. (i.e. Maya sling, Over-the-Shoulder Baby Holder) If your baby is bigger or 3 months old or older, the Boba Baby or Ergo carrier is simple to use and very comfortable for mom or dad. (There are countless instructional youtube videos or you can go to a Moms' group for hands-on instruction.) 5) A change in scenery. Sometimes simply going outside is enough to distract your baby from whatever is causing distress. Often stepping out onto the porch for a few minutes is enough. If your baby is fussing frequently and not easily soothed, consider food sensitivities. For a more complete listing of "Colic Causing Foods in Breastfeeding" please visit Dr. Sears' website: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-eating/breastfeeding/common-problems/colic-causing-foods-breastfeeding Pssssst. If you're close to someone who is pregnant or has a baby, this is for you.
New parents are in a sensitive state: sleep deprivation, the emotional rollercoaster of birth and the pressure of trying to maintain their households (or jobs) takes its toll. Most cultures do not expect people to resume their former lives after the birth. They have traditions for supporting the growing family. Mothers are strained the most--babies require round the clock care when new mamas are recovering from birth. Breastfeeding takes up a lot of time and energy in the first few weeks. Because our culture does not recognize the need for extra help in a baby's first weeks, many moms feel inadequate. Here's how you can help. *BE GENTLE! HOW you offer help is as important as WHAT you offer. Be sure to listen to what they want. Be respectful of their space and time--as much as they want to share their baby with you, they also need to rest. *FOOD: New parents need to eat, but have little to no time to shop, cook or prepare food. There are many ways options: home-cooked casseroles, frozen foods, take-out. The point is to get them food and not expect to be entertained in the process. Drop it on their porch or have it delivered. *HOUSEHOLD HELP: This is can be a little more complicated, depending on how well you know the new parents. If they aren't using a service, they'll definitely appreciate help with laundry, running dishwasher, vaccuuming, and generally straightening up. *ERRANDS: Running to the store, dry cleaner, can become very challenging with a newborn. Ask if they need anything from the drug or grocery store. *OLDER CHILDREN/PETS: If this is not their first baby, the older children will really need extra attention. Playdates and park outtings can be a real life saver. Additionally, if they have pets, offer to help with their needs, too. By giving REAL help, you take the pressure off of parents who may feel overwhelmed and not know how to ask you to bring them lunch or take their two year old to the playground. It's too vague to say, "Let me know if you need anything." Step up with specific suggestions. I'll be sharing more specific techniques on how to assemble or be a part of a Welcome Baby Team at Natural Beginnings on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8pm. If you're expecting your first (or third) or if you know someone who is, please come! This presentation is for the whole Welcome Baby Team--Grandparents, relatives, neighbors are encouraged to attend. Donations will benefit the Having Healthy Babies Foundation. For more information: www.naturalbeginningsNJ.com New Jersey has the highest C-Section Rate in the US (39.9%), so I've helped a lot of recovering mamas. Here are a few tips to share with any mamas who are or will be recovering from a Cesarean...And their partners or families!
1--Take it slow. While you had 40 weeks to adjust to pregnancy, your body shifts to non-pregnancy in minutes. Huge hormonal shift + major abdominal surgery + newborn care. Do as little as possible--if you push until you feel it, it's too late. By resting and letting your body recover, you'll reduce your risk of infection and other complications. 2--Probiotics. Your digestive system was artificially stopped and you may have had antibiotics. Get some good probiotics (acidophilus, etc.) ASAP. This will make you more comfortable, help protect you from thrush/yeast, and support your immune system. 3--Epsoms. If you've had IV fluids, you might be more swollen now than before the surgery. Soak your feet in epsom salt bath. (Pour up to a pound in a pot or foot bath and soak for 20 mins. Available at all pharmacies and almost all grocery stores in the first aid section.) Most moms see improvement the first use, but you can do it 2-3 times a day. (Assuming your partner or helper is filling it for you!) 4--Support belt or postpartum support. Most moms have discomfort when their incision-site is moving around. The support will prevent unnecessary motion and offer some mild counterpressure. You can ask for one at the hospital. (Many cultures traditionally wrap all postpartum moms.) 5--Connect with other moms. Especially if you are having a difficult time processing your hospital experience or C-Section--the sooner you share your feelings in a supportive place the better you'll feel. Check out your local ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) or any of these great resources in Monmouth County: Mom Support Resources. Sometimes, being still is harder than being busy. Acknowlede the limitations, give your body the time and energy it needs to heal properly, be gentle to yourself....Your baby needs you to be healthy and strong. By taking proper care now, you'll have a better recovery. Feel free to comment or share your tips! If you (or someone you know) had a C-Section, what helped them the most? "Motherhood is a role where we expect perfection....And yet, often do it in isolation." --Ina May Gaskin
Support and resources for mothers are booming in Monmouth County. Get out there and connect with other mothers! You'll feel better and your baby will thank you! Mother Support Groups in Monmouth County: New Moms Network at Jersey Shore University Medical Center. Call for info: 732.776-4281 Free Support Group For All New Mothers. Jersey Shore Dar a Luz Network. Meets 3rd Weds. 6:30pm in Manasquan. Free Support Group for All Mothers/Pregnant Women. www.jerseyshoredaraluz.blogspot.com Accepting the Unexpected. Meets 1st Saturday 9:30-11:30am in Manasquan. Free Supportive Space to Share Birth Stories. Contact Rebecca at 973-876-4283 prior to attending. Natural Beginnings NJ. ICAN of Monmouth County. Cesarean Awareness Network. Meets monthly in Manalapan. ICAN NJ Mother to Mother Support Group. Meets Mondays 11-12:30pm in Long Branch. Free. To register, call 732. 923-6990. Monmouth Medical Breastfeeding Support Groups in Monmouth County: Bosom Buddies. Free Group meeting Wednesdays 11-12:30 in Colts Neck. Bosom Buddies La Leche League. Free Group meeting in Wall and Freehold. La Leche League NJ Milk Mama Cafe. Free Group meeting in Spring Lake. Thursdays 9:30-11am. Natural Beginnings NJ. If you know of a mother support group in Monmouth County that I missed, please comment and share! There are many fitness and mommy & me classes available, too. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, many mamas face the additional stress of losing their stash of frozen breast milk. If you have lost power, please don't dump your milk....At least not yet.
Unfortunately, there is a lack of research on safety of previously frozen breast milk. But, here's what HAS been studied so far: *Breast milk that is still slushy or has crystals is still considered frozen. Simply re-freeze it as soon as possible. *Breast milk that has been thawed and un-refrigerated for up to 8 hours can be refrozen. If your frozen milk thawed, but is still cold, consider refreezing. A study in Breastfeeding Medicine (Rechtman, Lee & Berg 2006) measured bacteria levels, Vitamins A & C, as well as Fatty Acids in thawed breast milk in various conditions. The study included milk that was thawed and refrozen repeatedly....And guess what? That milk was still safe to use! http://www.dors.it/latte/docum/Unpasteurized%20Donor%20Human%20Milk.pdf In determining the fate of thawed milk, use common sense. Smell it. Breast milk will separate (it's unpasteurized!) that's not an indication of whether the milk is still good to use. To all the parents who are dealing with power outages and property damage in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, your family will be in my thoughts. |
AuthorPostpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Mother of Three. Archives
May 2018
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