Asking for Help
Do you have a hard time asking for help?
My people! Postpartum is especially tricky for those of us who have difficulty here. Our culture has created an elegant trap. First, we deny Postpartum Recovery is a thing. ("Women out in the fields used to give birth, tie the baby to their back and get back to the crops!" Ummmmm. not really. In fact, the vast majority of cultures have a traditional "lying in" period where the new mom goes to bed for about a month.)
Second, we pretend like your strength will be measured by how quickly you get back to "normal." (Recall countless tabloid pics of celebrities looking as if they were never even pregnant weeks afterwards....Note their army of personal trainers, chefs, nannies, stylists are rarely pictured.) You are not supposed to "get back to normal." You brought a new human into the world. You are not meant to resume life as it was before immediately. We are designed to SLOW DOWN and FIND A NEW NORMAL. A new way of being in the world with our baby.
When I had my first baby, I was emotionally overwhelmed and had not prepared at all for Postpartum. What limited "help" was available was only interested in holding my baby. I didn't trust myself enough to explain what I really needed and I didn't believe they would actually help me with food, laundry, etc. My recovery took at least 4 months. But I was not the only one who paid the price for not knowing any better....My baby missed out on having a healthy, functional intact mother for that time.
It can make us feel vulnerable to ask for help. We might be afraid of being judged or even denied. I get it! But, Postpartum is all about stretching into new and uncharted waters.
When I had my third baby, I committed to Doulaing myself. I basically stayed in my room for 3 weeks. I graciously accepted meals and friends' offers to take my kids out. And you know what? I was HEALED and recovered by the 4th week. (I was 9 years older than when I had my first, and this was my biggest baby, too!) I gradually eased back to a manageable pace after that. But it was an absolutely amazing contrast to my first and second postpartum experiences.
If you get tripped up thinking it is not "necessary" or you're somehow not deserving of the help, think about your baby. Your baby deserves a healthy mama--not one that is struggling with avoidable complications or barely functional.
Make a plan for your Postpartum Support. Be brave enough to ask for help when you need it. And, if you are struggling, please reach out. I can help connect you with resources and all communications are completely confidential.
Or check out some of the amazing resources and support available to Monmouth County moms here.
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Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Mother of Three.